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Newgrounds suggested that I write a news post. :D
While no one is going to see this yet, eventually, when I'm a world-renowned flash animator who hires the likes of Adam Philips and [insert your favorite artist here] to do my laundry (the underwear and socks, of course), this is going to help document how I became so successful.
Right now, I'm working on a frame-by-frame movie. I won't lie, it's pure awesome, but it's not yet impressive enough for the portal. I mean, sure, it would hit #1 on the all-time score list in maybe 12 minutes, but if I'm going to establish myself as the best, it's gotta be better than the best, ya get?
What is that flash, you ask? Well! I'm glad you asked. It's a pretty simple... wow, I've still got 32,025 characters left... this will be fun... where was I? Right. It's pretty simple, first I start with a background story that is going to have some deep emotion in it... some love, some betrayal, and a little cleavage, everything a boring opening scene needs. From there, it will transistion into an arena, where two warriors are enlocked in an intense battle. It will be a major struggle, there will be lot's of special effects to keep you entertained, and finally, just when you least expect it... BAM! Robot-pirate-ninja-jesuses fall out of the sky and start making it snow on dem hoes. This is where the choreography is really going to shine. We'll have the likes of Ashanti, Jomanti, and Frodaddy kickin' it old school for you to keep the interest levels peaked. Word. Our hero escapes with a young prostitute who later is revealed as a princess running away from home. They run off into the wilderness and live among the beasts and under the stars. At first, they don't get along. Sorry, but this thing has got to have a stereotype somewhere. The princess expects our hero to bow to her and do as she says, while he laughs at her and goes about his business. While this is happening, the king is back at home, trying to find his 'kidnapped' daughter, cuz after all, his precious little sweetheart would never run away from his tyrannical ass, now would she. No, no she wood'n, that's a good lil gurl, goochie goo? Realizing he can't simple find her, he sends a messenger to the local Blockbuster to order a copy of the movie, thank god for the invention of the instant VHS, he'd say. Of course, the messenger hasn't paid his $45 late fee for 'The Lord of the Rings' (he swears up and down that he didn't rent it, but come on... Do you believe him?). After some chat and a little visit to the broom closet for some acts that would land this movie in the adult section, the messenger takes the movie, and a new burning sensation, back to the King.
Through some mathmatical thought, I have come to the conclusion that at this point, the film would have to end. It's file size would simply be too big. Luckily for all of us, this just gives me a reason to have a sequel! I'll probably just make it a trilogy, since after all, three is company, and company is good.
If you've actually read this, you're either a good friend of mine or a lifeless newb who needs to shave his back. BTW, my name is Jason, and I just impregnated your child.